When my knee injury first happened. I knew it was serious. My knee locked up, it felt dislocated and it was clearly beyond my will and power to fix it.
I had clearly surrendered to the moment and tried to make the most of the current situation.
After surgery I had different thoughts.
All the paperwork when I left the doctors office, and online searching said recovery would be about 6–8 weeks with some things taking up to 3 months.
I figured that was written for the masses.
Even judgmentally thinking; the weak.
I could do better.
I could recover faster.
I would be willing to do more.
I would buy a TENs unit (electrical stimulation device).
I would stretch every morning before work.
I would take the extra supplements.
Can’t run. I will get the bike.
Any obstacle. I would find a new way.
My mind, my focus, and obsession became better and faster.
In 3 weeks I thought I would be back to 100%.
Nothing is impossible.
It might be a gift and a curse.
I just don’t see obstacles.
If the paperwork says 6–8 weeks, I automatically think there is a way to do it better.
If a customer says No; I just think I need to convince them why we are the best fit.
Someone tells me they can’t do something; I already believe they can.
Just push though; I think.
Doctors said I was born with asthma. Around 16 years old I decided I didn’t want it anymore so I got rid of it.
Miracle. Self-Will. Just grew out of it. I don’t know?
One of my biggest fears is looking weak.
Not being strong enough for what’s in front of me.
To protect myself I learned to fight.
Physically, defend myself.
Mentally, control my mind.
If you are into enneagram, I’m textbook 8.
Challenge ahead of us — No factor.
We can do it.
Sometimes leaning into my edge and doing things beyond what I thought I could do.
‘Where there is a will — there’s a way,’ is the song in my brain.
It builds confidence.
I’ll give it a try.
I’ll push through.
But I have failed.
Self-will didn’t work.
I couldn’t self-will my way here. The harder I pushed — the further I failed.
‘Don’t drink. Don’t drink. Don’t drink.’
Oh crap. I woke up hungover again.
My self-will failed me.
Trying hard to live a life free of guilt and shame.
But over and over again choosing sin.
My self will fail me again.
Do I need to try harder?
What’s missing — why can’t I get this….?
Not the white flag.
Not giving up.
Not making excuses.
But surrendering to a power greater than me.
I’m not ‘the man’.
The realization — I’m too weak to go it alone.
My humanness will fail; self-will has limitations.
A crappy comment to my wife.
My knee locking up.
I can’t control it.
Surrendering to the process of a 6–8 week recovery is not weak.
Someone stuck a knife in my kneecap.
It swells.It needs ice.
It needs time to heal.
I need to strengthen the muscles around my knee.
Taking the time to do things well now, makes recovery better in the future.
6–8 weeks is a human limitation.
Doing the hard work is not rushing the process.
The hard work is showing up for those 6–8 weeks.
Accepting my limitations and giving my best in each moment of recovery.
Doing the hard work is moving less, and learning to TRUST THE PROCESS, rather than always trying to fight it.